Stephanie, who shares on Instagram that she’s a “wife to the man of my dreams, mom to the most adorable chubby pup, lover of all things yarn-y”, created these beautiful crochet mandalas. She also shared this touching letter:
“Here are my mandalas in remembrance of Wink. I decided to make one of each of her patterns because I felt it was the least I could do to help keep her spirit alive for all of us in the crochet community. Like countless others, I never had the privilege of meeting Marinke. I wish I had. Everything about her blog is / was so bright and cheerful. To know that she came to such a tragic end makes me want to scream!
Also, like so many others, I have battled depression. I’ve been in those dark places. I remember reading in your book, Crochet Saved My Life, that you didn’t want to die but you also didn’t want to keep awing up feeling miserable every day forever. I was in a similar mindset. I definitely didn’t want to die but I didn’t want to “be around”. I thought being a vegetable would be a significant upgrade to me then-current state. So, if I just let the wheel go and my car went into that ditch over there, so much the better. But I got upset because I wasn’t guaranteed to be in a coma or paralyzed after the crash and, if I was, what kind of burden I’d be to my family. Nothing seemed fair.
It was that thought of family, though, that snapped me back to reality. If something happened to me, I know my family would be left holding the pieces, and I just couldn’t do that to them. It was my responsibility to get better and soon.
Tragically, a month later, I lost a co-worker to suicide. All those feelings and questions that I knew my parents and sister would have had if I had taken my own life were now racing through my mind! How did I not see? What could I have done differently? If I had only shared my story with him from just a few weeks ago?! Anger, frustrating, despair, sadness, shock, torment. Why? Why did he do this? Why would he leave his two young daughters and a fiancé behind?! I still asked these questions even though I knew all of the answers.
After reading Tinc’s post informing us of Wink’s passing, all of those emotions and questions came flooding back. I felt that pit in my stomach. Such a beautiful creature and creator of beautiful things was gone.
Thankfully, you’ve taken the time to piece together something that is larger than us as individuals and much greater than the depression to honor Wink and her creativity. I truly hope that the crochet community can find healing through this project and that her family has the opportunity to see the invaluable contribution Wink made to the world.”
In addition to crocheting Wink’s mandala patterns, Stephanie created the Wink’s Blossom, made with Patons Lace Sequin and a Boye US 1 Steel Crochet Hook, which she says is “a little something extra, my representation (of sorts) of Wink”. She elaborates,
“I chose to make a flower because Wink liked to wear them in her hair. I used white yarn to symbolize how colorful she was, as white is the combination of all frequencies of the light of the visible spectrum. In other words, every color the human eye can see is in white. The yarn also has sequins in it. I liked the fact that they shine and reflect beauty … just like Wink. Lastly, the actual petals are from the first three rounds of her Butterfly Peacock Mandala”.
This post is part of the Mandalas for Marinke remembrance project.