You know what I’ve noticed over time? I’ve noticed that whatever is happening in my crochet work reflects what seems to be happening in my life. I don’t plan it this way. I don’t even always see the patterns. But every now and then I’ll look around at the projects in my space and realize that they sum up exactly where I’m at emotionally. Something must work itself through under the surface that makes this happen.
I’m mentioning this because I noticed last night that I never did weave in the ends on the silk bamboo granny square blanket that I made last year. I have this granny square blanket sitting across the back of the chair in my workspace so I see it every day. I frequently use it to cover my cold legs while working or while watching shows on my computer. It’s over a year old now, so why haven’t I woven in those ends?
Although it’s true that I don’t like weaving in ends, that’s not actually what happened in this case. It wasn’t pure laziness. What happened was that I’d always intended for this blanket to be larger than it currently is. I stopped crocheting it at some point and it was large enough to use so I started using it. I always meant to go back and add those extra rows to make it a full-size blanket instead of a lapghan. And why bother weaving in ends before a piece is finished right?
When I was looking at it last night, I had the thought that I may never make it larger after all so I should probably just weave in those ends. But then I realized that I wasn’t yet sure if I would make the blanket larger or not. It is unfinished. It is a work in progress. And that makes so much sense for where I am at in my life right now.
I am happy. I am comfortable. But I am also in an in-between space in many ways. My last book is done and my next book is not yet fleshed out. I am hovering between creative ideas as I work on that next piece, where it’s still more unfinished than finished. I am in between relationships in much the same way, hovering on the brink of something while still a little tethered to something else. I’m not in a rush to get anywhere; I’m just in this space. I am a blanket that isn’t quite finished, a WIP, a piece that doesn’t have to have its ends woven in yet.
Eventually I’ll make a decision about this blanket. I love the blanket. It’s heavier than I expected it to be for such a light, soft yarn but that’s perfect because it makes even the small size of the blanket cozy. It’s the perfect colors to sit happily in my work space. It’s comforting. Maybe it should be bigger and maybe that’s what will happen when it feels right to work on it. Or maybe it should stay the way it is and when I’m certain of that I’ll weave in those ends. In the meantime it can just be what it is, hanging where it hangs.
Sure, sometimes those unwoven ends are itchy, not so much on the skin but on the mind. Sometimes I see them and think “how sloppy” or “what would people think” or “I should deal with that” but the truth of the matter is that I think the blanket is exactly like it needs to be right now. And so am I.
To be continued …